I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
