I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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