I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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