If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
