Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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