is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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