I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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