You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
