Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
