grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
