I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
