You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do herpes really smell.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
