we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my poor anus
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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