stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
