y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
