I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
