she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
