Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
