i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
