you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
