At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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