Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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