i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
