yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
