so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
