That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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