I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so let's talk penis.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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