that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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