so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
