I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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