Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
