Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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