his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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