dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
