When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
