if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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