Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
