the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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