Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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