You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
