I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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