Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This house was built for laser tag.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
