Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
