fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
