break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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