she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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