just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
