I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
