Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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