get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
