i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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